Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned From Grade Nines.

*"douche", "phoque" and "faire cuire" are the only words/ phrases in the French language that are worth remembering.

*C-I-L-T is a dirty word, suitable for games of French Scrabble. (I have begun to question those who insist that literacy is on the rise...)

*Tila Tequila got her big break thanks to a leaked sex tape. Who knew?

*Knowing who Tiesto is makes you cool.

*$100 was worth more in the seventeenth century than it is today because of inflammation.

*Teaching about hypothetical sentences? Try using the verb "VENIR" as your example. The lesson goes as follows:
On the board, write out three sentences. "S'il vient, je serai contente. S'il venait, je serais contente. S'il était venu, j'aurais été contente."
When the students say that they're still confused, write the sentences in English: "If he comes, I will be happy. If he came, I would be happy. If he had come, I would have been happy."
When the kids start laughing, look up and read the board. Realize what you've done. Begin laughing so hard you can barely breathe. Stop lesson. Revisit the next day using a different example.

*the word "condom" is even more hilarious than drawing penises. On everything.

* les Filles du Roi were most definitely prostitutes, seeing as Louis XIV pimped them out and all.

* When in doubt just say "Ils ont rocked out". That'll pull you through.

* Wear short-shorts to gym. Then forget to change and wear them to class. Insist on doing lunges to and from the bookshelf every time you need to use a dictionary. This should occur approximately every five minutes.