Everything I Need to Know About Life I Learned From Grade Nines.

*"douche", "phoque" and "faire cuire" are the only words/ phrases in the French language that are worth remembering.

*C-I-L-T is a dirty word, suitable for games of French Scrabble. (I have begun to question those who insist that literacy is on the rise...)

*Tila Tequila got her big break thanks to a leaked sex tape. Who knew?

*Knowing who Tiesto is makes you cool.

*$100 was worth more in the seventeenth century than it is today because of inflammation.

*Teaching about hypothetical sentences? Try using the verb "VENIR" as your example. The lesson goes as follows:
On the board, write out three sentences. "S'il vient, je serai contente. S'il venait, je serais contente. S'il était venu, j'aurais été contente."
When the students say that they're still confused, write the sentences in English: "If he comes, I will be happy. If he came, I would be happy. If he had come, I would have been happy."
When the kids start laughing, look up and read the board. Realize what you've done. Begin laughing so hard you can barely breathe. Stop lesson. Revisit the next day using a different example.

*the word "condom" is even more hilarious than drawing penises. On everything.

* les Filles du Roi were most definitely prostitutes, seeing as Louis XIV pimped them out and all.

* When in doubt just say "Ils ont rocked out". That'll pull you through.

* Wear short-shorts to gym. Then forget to change and wear them to class. Insist on doing lunges to and from the bookshelf every time you need to use a dictionary. This should occur approximately every five minutes.

Re-Surfacing

Admittedly, it's been awhile.

Understatement of the century...

It's not my fault though. See, I found a job. That's right, a "REAL" job.

Well, before I found that job, I found another one.

A bit has been happening...

Anyway, the point being, I have a job. A real, tried and true teaching job. I get up at 6 am five days a week, drive to Guelph and proceed to teach Grade 9s French. I am being trusted with their education.

I think I may have grown up.

How the hell did that happen?

More importantly: how do I make it stop?

Teaching Grade nine essentially consists of attempting to convince a room full of 34 hormonal vapid narcissists that they do not, in actually, want to talk about sex. They want to learn French. The result? Every textbook and handout in my class is covered, from top to bottom, in sketches of penises. What can I say? My little proteges are burgeoning Picassos...

And each one of them knows how to say "penis" in French. I considered it a "teachable moment".

Oh ya. Also, saying "we're going to take this up orally" is a really bad idea. Just in case you were wondering.

So the point is, I have a job. I am now a productive member of society. I have attained my goal.

So why am I yearning for Korea?

That's right. I'm desperate for those little hellions that made up 6A2. I would kill to have to sing "Pretty Leaves Are Falling Down" a million times a day for a week. To read "Bear Shadow" for the hundredth time in a day. To give Andrew a sad face for picking his nose and rubbing it onto Nicky's shirt.

Problem? I think so.