Planes, Trains and Mannies by Trannys...

So we've just arrived back in Kuala Lumpur after an amazing weekend on the island of Langkawi. This spot is a popular tourist destination and is, apparently, a hub for Malaysian and European tourists alike, however it was pretty dead this weekend, despite a footy tournament that was going on right outside our beach-front chalet. I know, life is tough...

The journey to Langkawi was pretty epic. First we had to take a seven hour train ride from Kuala Lumpur to the town of Butterworth. Given my intense scrutiny and dislike of public restrooms (and by "dislike" I mean "I find them utterly appalling and refuse to use them")this trip was a feat in and of itself. I'm not about to use a bathroom on a train at home, let alone a squat toilet in a public restroom that happens to be moving... (side note: I'm also a terrible squatter..)So I made it a point to drink absolutely nothing on Thursday and managed to get through the journey without visiting the little girls' room (which, given Caitlin's description of these facilities, was pretty much a God-send).

It was about 10 pm when we hopped off the train, so we opted to take a cab across the longest bridge in South East Asia (I feel like an old lady incorporating facts like that into my blog, but this thing was massively long...)seeing as the ferry was only running hourly by this point and we didn't feel like waiting. As soon as we made it to the island of Penang we found a hotel which was unfortunate because our hotel-grading abilities must have been blocked by either the lack of food or water in our systems. This place was NASTY (facilities and patrons alike...). By far the worst place I've ever attempted to sleep; "attempted" being the key here... No worries, because the ferry to Langkawi left blissfully early the next morning, so we didn't have to stay in that room for long.

The three hour ferry ride was incredibly beautiful and calming--Langkawi is the biggest of a group of islands off the south west coast of Malaysia (any further south and we would have been in Thailand, literally) so there were lots of tiny islands to gaze upon as well as fishing boats to observe and, when all else failed, the wide open Adaman Sea! Although sunblock may have been a good idea seeing as I did wind up with the sexiest farmer's burn Malaysia's ever seen...

We found a clean, cheap chalet on the beach to pass the weekend. It was right in front of the football so we got to listen to music, watch the tourney, sunbathe and swim all at the same time. When we were sufficiently roasted (it didn't take long for our Casper-esque bodies to turn a nice shade of lobster, despite the Coppertone) we hung up our suits and treated ourselves to manicures and pedicures. As I'm sure you have deduced by this point, the exceptional aesthitician who did my manicure was definitely a tranny, beard and all. I mention this not because I'm opposed to having my nails done by a transvestite, but rather because in a country where anything outside of heterosexuality is seriously frowned upon, I was surprised to see someone so openly transgendered, especially on the island of Langkawi with its predominantly Muslim population.

It ended up being a horrible manicure. Not because of the aesthitician's sexual orientation (obviously) but rather because in my quest to find a neutral colour of nail polish from an astonishingly small selection I wound up with beige nails. That's right, BEIGE. Think of the women in your great grandmother's bingo group. Think Spanx and mothballs. It didn't even look like I had fingernails. It was freakishly horrifying and I immediately (well, after taking a few pics to document the adventure...) bought some remover and rid myself of all evidence of my terrible decision making (for those of you who have ever become frustrated with my indecision, THIS is evidence as to why I should never, ever choose anything. Could you imagine if that had been a meal?!?!)

Speaking of meals, I had some of the best of my life on the island. I'm not even joking. God I love food...

After our self-indulgence we returned to our chalet to discover that our nice, conservative, black one-piece bathing suits had been stolen from the drying rack outside our room. Back to the main strip we went, returning with rather revealing bikinis (you'd think that in a predominantly Muslim community you'd be able to buy a one piece...). After that we hung everything to dry in our bathroom. (Aside: seriously, who steals bathing suits?!?!)

All in all, it was a great weekend. Langkawi is a gorgeous place and the beach was lovely; this was the first time that I've actually experienced bath water warm water! Because we enjoyed it so much we, obviously, decided to stay in Malaysia, despite our close proximity to Thailand. Guess I'll have to save that for another adventure...

And now we wait for our Indian visas. Hopefully we'll have some time to hit up the east coast (apparently the beaches there are even nicer than Langkawi) before we fly to Delhi next week. In closing I leave you with a few interesting things I've leart this week:

--Muslim women often swim fully clothed (hence the lack of one piece bathsuits).

--Those hoses in public restrooms are not for cleaning the area around the squat toilet when one happens to "miss". They are actually intented to be used as bidets. (I'm not a machine, I was bound to have to use one sooner or later. The restroom that is, not the hose. Ewy.)

--When you have 7 hours on a train, you become an epic Tetris player.