Saturday, October 29, 2011

Water Under the, Whatever.

It’s all Ancient History.

Or rather, my present and recent past have been all about Ancient History. My immediate and not-so-immediate future(s)(?) will most likely be all about ancient history too. As if this weren’t complicated enough as it is.

I suppose it’s easiest to begin at the beginning, if not somewhere around the middle-to-end.

In grade eleven I began an irrevocably passionate love affair with ancient history. I’m that person who willingly spends every possible minute on holiday in a museum (Berlin’s 170 museums/ galleries all but blew my mind), who can determine the historical significance (to say nothing of cause and effect) of a single rock, who stares reverently at “old stuff” in general... And so what if I have been known, from time to time, to shed a tear or two at particularly moving or influential historical sites? Temple Church, Canterbury Cathedral, Stonehenge… big things have happened in these places. Monumental things. THINGS that FOREVER changed the course of history!!!!

Let’s put it this way: if you ever lose me, chances are pretty good that I can be found in the History section at Chapters. If I’m not there it’s because I’m buying a one-way ticket to the poorhouse, courtesy of nationalgeographic.com

Fortunately I have several amazing friends who not only support my inner (ok, who are we kidding here… general all-over) historical fanatic, but who actually embrace and nurture it.

At the very least they’re willing to roll their eyes, pat my hand and inform me that they’ll be at the nearest gelateria when I emerge from my historically-induced coma and decide to rejoin the land of the living. After all, that Marks and Spencer picnic in Hyde Park won’t have itself.

The point being: I love history.

And this year I’ve been given the opportunity to teach it.

CHW3MI is the Holy Grail of courses for historically-minded individuals who find themselves working in our province’s secondary schools. This semester, it’s mine to cherish.

In language classes I tend to get confused looks and threats of visits from “the nice men in white coats” from my students whenever my eyes gloss over with reverence and passion whilst discussing a grammatical point (verb tenses get me EVERY TIME). But in CHW3MI, when I look out over those 31 smiling faces in my class and the fervour hits me, I realize that half of them are right there with me.

The other half are at least smiling pleasantly, dreaming of gelatto no doubt.

I feel like I could do this for the rest of my life and be completely happy.

(once the insane prep that is the… joy… that every teacher experiences their first time through a course subsides anyway.)

Except that it’s coming to an end.

It has been my experience that perfection tends to be short-lived and, being the Holy Grail, another teacher, one labelled as a “History teacher” (which, despite my qualifications, I am not) will soon be returning from maternity leave and reclaiming what is “rightfully” (technically?) hers.

Although it has lasted but a mere term, this short period and, more importantly, the students I have had the privilege of working with since September, have reminded me why I got into education in the first place. In many ways it’s been a breath of fresh air, revitalizing and re-energizing me, providing the positive reinforcement I needed to help get me to the next leg of my “professional journey”, so to speak. When I step into my classroom on the other side of the world next summer, as far from these students as I could possibly be, I’ll know that I owe the experience, at least in part, to them.

In the interim I suppose I’ll have to rely on that historically-induced coma. After all, it’s not a bad way to pass the time.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Thursday, August 11, 2011

In Praise of Modern Amenities

How great are supermarkets?

Today I decided that I wanted a sandwich for lunch. A real sandwich. As in, not just some peanut butter slapped between two pieces of boring, preservative-enriched sliced bread, but something with substance. Something with meat and cheese and vegetables, crispy from the oven. Something on an Ace Bakery demi-baguette.

So I went to the supermarket to get what was needed.

Upon entering, I thought to myself “This is so CONVENIENT. Everything I need is RIGHT HERE!”

Think about it.

For my sandwich I purchased not only a demi-baguette, but also some spicy Genoa salami, provolone cheese, sprouts, dijon mustard, tomatoes, mushrooms and garlic-infused olive oil.

Had I not had a supermarket at which I could purchase these items, I would have had a lot of work on my hands.

After having grown the wheat, ground the wheat, combined my flour with whatever other ingredients make bread, I would have baked it. Most likely in a fire of some sort, seeing as if I don’t have access to a supermarket, it’s doubtful that I have access to a conventional oven.

While the bread was baking I would have meandered out to my garden to grab some tomatoes and mushrooms, although I’m betting that I would actually have had to find the mushrooms in the forest as opposed to in my garden, seeing as I doubt that they contain enough nutrients to warrant giving up the time and the space to actually grow them myself. But who knows, maybe I’m a frivolous pioneer woman.

Provided both items were to be found in my garden, and ripe enough to eat at that, I would have taken them inside, rinsed them off in a bucket of water my fifth son had recently fetched from the well, chopped them up, set them aside and proceeded to the smoking shed to grab some salami, which may or may not have actually been salami, and almost definitely would not have been Genoa salami, what with me being a pioneer woman, living in the relative seclusion of the Canadian wilderness, and most likely never even having heard of “Genoa”, never mind having tasted their particular brand of salami.

So I’m in the smoke shed, looking for the meat I want; the meat that came from the pig I slaughtered a few weeks back (let’s go with a few weeks… I have no idea how long it takes to smoke meat), butchered with my own bare hands (well, hopefully I at least had a knife or something to aid in the process), salted, spiced (apparently I AM frivolous), stuffed into the intestine of said-pig and hung in the shed to smoke.

We’re still missing the cheese, which probably wasn’t provolone, although I have no idea what makes provolone different than other cheeses so let’s say, for the sake of argument, that it was. Whatever. This cheese I made from the milk of my cow using a process with which, as a pioneer, I was intimately familiar but actually not because I am not, as I write this, actually a pioneer of any kind and have never, actually, made my own cheese.

The process of making a sandwich just took me several months.

So, having the luxury of living in a developed country in the twenty-first century, I’ve managed to neatly avoid the trouble of producing my own food stuffs and therefore saved myself considerable time and hardship.

It’s a good thing too, seeing as I have no idea where or how sprouts are grown, never mind what the heck constitutes “Dijon mustard”.



Editor’s Note: I’ve deliberately left out the garlic-infused olive oil from the receipe of pioneer me because I’m 99.9% sure that, in this role, I’ve never seen, heard of or tasted an olive. I’m guessing butter would have done the trick. Butter without garlic, because that’s probably saved for strictly medicinal use.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Post-Scriptum

Speaking of dreams of world domination...

I won my first-ever game of RISK.

Or rather I would have, had my opponents not been cheating pirates.

Dreams of World Domination

One day my hair will succeed in taking over the world.

And given my disposition to travel, I will most likely contribute to its conquest.

Why, you might ask, do I believe such a thing? Follow along:

1) Resiliency--no matter how much I lose, there always seems to be more than enough of it. And I lose a lot. Just ask my hairbrush.
2) Spontaneity--it does whatever it wants, whenever it wants. When the mood takes it, it runs with it. Whatever “it” may be. Just don’t ask it to plan anything. I know from experience that the only person who can bend it to their will is my hairdresser, Michael. Otherwise it doesn’t take kindly to being told what to do.
3) Resourcefulness -- it has discovered efficient and unique ways of “traveling”. Example: I once had a friend move to Australia -- that’s right, just about as far from home as one can go without leaving the planet -- only to receive an email, weeks after their departure, informing me that they were finding my hair all over their current place of residence which, to reiterate, I had never entered.
4) It gets itself noticed. More than once I have caught strangers-- COMPLETE strangers-- petting my hair. As though I were a cat. Or a dog. Or a mongoose. (Can one pet a mongoose? I don’t know. I’m not even sure that I know what a mongoose is, it’s just a pretty fun word to say.)
5) Adaptability--It can roll with the punches and adapt to new surroundings and situations. Fifty below zero? VOILĂ€! You have a built-in parka hood! Fifty above zero? Well, it’s still a built-in parka hood… but a very fluffy one...

Friday, July 15, 2011

Cupcakes

I love cupcakes.

This doesn't render me unique in any particular way, seeing as cupcakes are somewhat of a fad these days, but what does set me apart is the fact that the creation of cupcakes is, apparently, in my blood. That’s right, I have a genetic predisposition to the baking of cupcakes.

At the very least, I’m pretty good at it. And so is my cousin, Emma.

You may remember her. Every other blog I blog (funny how that word serves as both a noun and a verb) either mentions her, features pictures including her, or is entirely about her.

Now don’t get me wrong, my cupcakes are, if I don’t say so myself, pretty darn delicious. But Emma’s cupcakes are delicious, beautifully presented, creative and have fun names.

I have yet to name a cupcake.

Anyway, her cupcakes are so ridiculously, excellently amazing that she and her friend Carolyn have decided to sell them. For money, fame and general renown.

Check it out.

(there should be a link here but my computer illiteracy is causing some problems... stay tuned)

The best part about this whole process is that it's a closed group, so you can't actually check it out. You can, however, request to be added and then check it out. Either way, they're pretty great.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Weenie Man Can

Happy 22nd birthday to my favouritest of equines.